Computer Jokes
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1. 10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. 9. A better model is always just around the corner. 8. They look nice and shinny until you bring them home. 7. It is always necessary to have a backup. 6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons. 5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play. 4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. 3. The lights are on but nobody's home. 2. Big power surges knock them out for the night. 1. Size does matter. |
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2. A software engineer, hardware
engineer, and departmental manager were on their way to a meeting in
Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when
suddenly the brakes failed. The car careened out of control, bouncing
off guardrails until it miraculously ground to a scraping halt along
the mountainside. The occupants of the car were unhurt, but they had a
problem. They were stuck halfway down the mountain in a car with no
brakes. "I know," said the manager. "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and through a process of continuous improvement, find a solution to the Critical Problems and we'll be on our way." "No," said the hardware engineer. "I've got my Swiss army knife with me. I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we'll be on our way." "Wait," said the software engineer. "Before we do anything, shouldn't we push the car back to the top of the mountain and see if it happens again?" |
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3.
Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus 1.0
(marketing name: Fiancee 1.0). Recently he upgraded Fiancee 1.0 to
Wife 1.0 and it's a memory hogger, it has taken all his space; and
Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he did not
ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and
BrotherInLaw. Some features I'd like to see in the Upcoming GirlFriend 4.0... - A "Don't remind me again" button - Minimize button - Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that Girlfriend 4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects) I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with girlfriend 1.0 still installed, they tried using the same i/o port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 but it didn't have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory. Another thing that sucks in all versions of girlfriend that I've used is that it is totally "object orientated" and only supported hardware with gold plated contacts. Bug Warning: Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources. |
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4.There was once a young man who,
in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft writing error messages. |
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5.The AL GORE virus: causes your
computer to just keep counting. The CLINTON virus: gives you a 7-inch hard drive with NO memory. The BOB DOLE (AKA: VIAGRA) virus: makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy. The LEWINSKY virus: sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e- mails everyone about what it did. The RONALD REAGAN virus: saves your data, but forgets where it is stored. The JESSE JACKSON virus: warns you constantly about illegitimate file reproduction, while illegitimately reproducing files in the background. The MIKE TYSON virus: quits after two bytes. The OPRAH WINFREY virus: your 300 MB hard drive shrinks to 100 MB, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200 MB. The JACK KEVORKIAN virus: deletes all old files. The PROZAC virus: totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care. The JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus: only attacks minor files. The ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus: terminates some files, leaves, but will be back. and last but not least ... The LORENA BOBBITT virus: reformats your hard drive into a 3.5-inch floppy, then discards it through Windows. |
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