Family Jokes
|
1.A large family, with
seven children, moved to a new city. They were having a difficult time
finding an apartment to live in. Many apartments were large enough,
but the landlords objected to the large family. After several days of searching, the father asked the mother to take the four younger children to visit the cemetery while he took the older three to find an apartment. After they had looked most of the morning they found a place that was just right. Then the landlord asked the usual question: "How many children do you have?" The father answered with a deep sigh, "Seven... but four are with their dear mother in the cemetery." He got the apartment! |
|
2.Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father. "Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years." |
|
3.When Neil Armstrong first
walked on the moon, he said "One small step for man, one giant leap
for mankind, good luck Mr. Goorski." For years, mission control tried to find what he meant by "Good luck Mr. Goorski." They checked with Russian astronauts but could not locate Mr. Goorski. Until now, Neil would not reveal what he meant by "Good luck Mr. Goorski." Today in a press conference, he told reporters that years ago, when he was a young boy, he and his brother were playing ball when his brother hit the ball under their neighbor's bedroom window. When Neil went to retrieve the ball, he overheard his neighbor's wife, Mrs. Goorski, telling her husband, "ORAL SEX? I'LL GIVE YOU ORAL SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!" |
|
4.A Blonde, a Redhead and a
Brunette go into a bar. The bartender tells them there is a magic
mirror in the ladies room, if you say one true thing you will recieve
the desire of your heart, but if you tell a lie you will be sucked
into the mirror forever. The Redhead walks in and says, 'I think I am the most intelligent woman here' and *poof* a million dollars falls in her hands. The Brunette walks in and says, 'I think I am the most beautiful woman here' and *poof* the keys to a Mustang fall into her hands. Next the Blonde walks in and says, 'I think...' and *poof* she disappears into the mirror forever. |
|
5.A Pakistani tourist after a long walk in one of very fancy
clean streets of Delhi found himself needing to urinate badly. After a
long search he could not find any place to you-know, and eventually
couldn't control himself and chose a silent corner of a clean street
to release himself. As soon as he had just started you-know-what, a Delhi police official approached him, "Hey, What do you think you're doing here?" Pakistani tourist: "Sorry I have to Pee" Police : "No PP here okay ? Follow me." The Police officer took him to a beautiful garden nearby with lots of grass, flowers and singing birds around. Police: "PP here..... and have a nice day". Pakistani tourist : "Oh Sir, ....... that's very nice of you, is this Indian courtesy?" Police: "No.......this is The Pakistani Embassy!" |
|
6.Diners tempted to lick a plate after a delicious meal can now
go a step further - eat the plate. Chen Liang-erh, 50, an amateur inventor, announced Friday that he had perfected an edible plate made from wheat grain, and that he planned to mass-produce it and other edible crockery including cups, bowls and food containers. Chen spent six years developing the plate, which he said would retail at about 7 cents each. Diners who don't want to eat the items - which taste like unsalted popcorn - can boil them for a nutritious meal for animals, he said. Chen said this can help reduce pollution caused by discarded crockery. The only disadvantage, he said, is his crockery cannot be washed and reused. |
| 7.Three police squads , The Scotland Yard police , The NY Police and the Punjab Sardar brigade contest for the best police force ward . The judges lead them to the Gir forest of India and assign them the mission . He who captures an adult Lion and brings it back alive in the fastest time will be adjudged the best . First Scotland yard goes into the forest and comes back in half an hour with a Lion all tied up . Then the NY police go in and come back in 15 minutes with a tied up lion. Lastly the sardar brigade goes in . 15 minutes , half an hour , one hour goes and no sign of our saradrjis The judges give up and decide to search for them . They go into the forest . After some searching , they find the sardarjis all excitedly yelling near a tree . The sardarjis have tied up a big bear to a tree and one of them is shouting , "Bol tu sher Hai ! Saala Bol ! tu Sher Hai !! " (Admit that you are a lion! You are a lion). |
| 8.Sardar Garbhajan singh went for his usual morning walk. At one junction he found a crowd. One man holding a syringe on one hand and the famous actress on the other hand. He threatens to inject the liquid which contain AIDS virus in to her body unless he is given a ransom of 10 corers of Rupees . Police men are helplessly watching. At this moment Garbachen rushed to the man and has a fight, he dropped the syringe, Police men arrested him. On the next day a ceremony is conducted to reward Garbachen. The chief guest CM of punjab while giving away the reward asked to the Garbachen " We are proud of you How did you show that much of courage even if you are aware of AIDS ?" Garbachen said "Sir I always wear a condom to avoid AIDS" |
| 9.There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, ;Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?; .....comes the reply, ;Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar brain tumour se mara hai!!!; |
|
10.what do you call a sikh man on one leg? balance-singh!!!!!! |
|
