Political Jokes
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1.President
George W. Bush was going to a Home Depot. He was surrounded by his
bodyguards, and everyone immediately took notice of the unusual sight.
They looked closer and they saw who it was. Everyone was in awe. "Why would George W. bush be in a Home Depot?" they all asked each other. "He should have his workers do it for him". Finally, one man asked the President, "What are you doing in this little store of ours?" To which George replied, "Oh, everyone has been saying that I should get a new cabinet". |
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2.Hey,
do you know the REAL reason the government jails people for theft? It's because they don't want any competition. |
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3.Q:
How are Fred Flintstone and Sadam Hussein alike? A: Whenever they look out the window all they see is rubble. |
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4.I
heard that they got all of the Sadam look-alikes together and told
them that they have some good news and some bad news. The good news was that Sadam survived the bombings, so they all still had jobs. One of the look-alikes asked, "What's the bad news?" The bad news, they were told, was that he lost an arm and an eye. |
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5.Why
did Osama Bin Laden kill wife number 37? Because he looked up her dress and saw bush... |
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6.The
Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in
Washington DC this Christmas season. This isn't for any religious reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's capitol. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable. |
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7.A
minister gave a talk to the Lion's Club on sex. When he got home he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, so he said he had discussed horseback riding with the members. A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made. She said, "Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he's only tried it twice. The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell off." |
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8.At
the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney
attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted
five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question. "Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated loudly. The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question." "Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you." |
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9.Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi,
a saint and a schoolboy were traveling by a private plane. Suddenly
the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting, "This plane is
going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are five of
us in the plane. Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am taking one parachute and getting out of here." Saying this he rushed to the luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped off the plane. Sonia Gandhi said, "Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very important and have to live!" She also grabbed a parachute and jumped. Laloo Yadav said, "I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country, and the most intelligent person must live!" Saying so Laloo went to the luggage area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane. The old saint said to the school boy, "There is only one parachute left, and there are two of us. I am an old man and don't need to live any more. You take the last parachute and jump." The school boy said, "Don't worry! There are still two parachutes left with us! The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my school bag!" |
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10.A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense," So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit." |
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11. Indian Prime Minister By: Sydney Fung Enter our free poetry contest, and win $10,000!! Two diplomats are riding in a limousine in Moscow, an Indian and a Russian, discussing state business. The Russian says to the Indian, "Rohit, I like you, but my superiors say the deal can't go through. They don't want to be associated with your country. They tell me it's filthy and the citizens just shit on the streets." "That is not true!" exclaims the Indian, "We are very fastidious...in fact, you're not one to talk, isn't that someone shitting on your fine sidewalk?" he points out the window where there is indeed a squatted figure defecating on the sidewalk. The Russian diplomat is enraged. "Stop the car!" he yells at the driver, Pavel. "Pavel, go execute that shitting man." Pavel nods at his boss, stops the the car and takes out a gun. After a minute, he shakes his head and returns to his boss. "Sir, I cannot execute him." "Why the hell not?" yells the Russian. "Sir, he's the Indian Prime Minister." |
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